Instantly, my life was tossed into the air after my husband died by suicide. Nobody saw it coming.
The trauma upheaved my world delivering me to a place I never knew existed. As the pieces fell, so did I at times. I barely survived it…he did not…he died…my husband…by suicide.
Mental health was something I never needed to pay attention to, until it affected me.
In the immediate aftermath, and maybe for a few years that followed, I denied I was depressed. The guilt that I had asked for a divorce the morning he died, the loss that most of our horses, two dogs, and two cats who I loved would have to find new homes: the loss, the loss was overwhelming.
I refused to ask for help.
Because my job as a commercial fisherwoman requires that I show up, I had to get out of bed. In the fishing industry, you always show up for work, no matter how you feel. I didn’t want to lose my job, so it forced me to move forward, otherwise I would have hid under my bedcovers. I was too proud to ask for help, fearing it showed weakness. I proclaimed I didn’t need help and that I could do it on my own. Fortunately, getting through a moment, an afternoon, a day, a week, a month, a year until life is okay again was my journey. The joy of life returns, thank goodness. It took about 4 years for me, but as the old cliché holds true in my case, time does heal. Not everyone has that experience.
Let’s get a new perspective on mental health, anxiety, depression and how even the most “stable” of us can have moments in our life where we need some help.
I have found in my experience that suicide has affected many lives, not only those who have died but all those that have loved and lost and lived.
I believe that unexpected tragedy can happen to anyone. And usually when we are least prepared. As well as suicide has affected many lives. Not only the lives of those who have died, but the lives of those who are suicide survivors. There is still so much more to learn about helping others get through periods of a mental health crisis. There is hope. Compassion and nonjudgment are two places to begin.
We can make a difference, one person at a time.
*988 IS THE SUICIDE AND CRISIS LIFELINE
PLEASE DIAL THIS NUMBER IF YOU NEED HELP – PLEASE
