Instantly, my life was tossed into the air after my husband died by suicide. Nobody saw it coming.
The trauma upheaved my world delivering me to a place I never knew existed. As the pieces fell, so did I at times. I barely survived it…he did not…
Mental health was something I never needed to pay attention to until it affected me.
In the immediate aftermath, and maybe for a few years that followed, I denied I was depressed. The guilt that I had asked for a divorce the morning he died, the loss that most of our horses, two dogs, and two cats whom I loved would have to find new homes: the loss was overwhelming.
I refused to ask for help.
At the time, I was commercial fishing. Because my job requires that I show up, I had to get out of bed. In the fishing industry, you always show up for work, no matter how you feel. I didn’t want to lose my job, so it forced me to move forward, otherwise, I would have hidden under my bedcovers. I was too proud to ask for help, fearing it showed weakness. In my mind, I didn’t need help. I could get out of this aftermath funk on my own. My journey was pushing through a moment, an afternoon, a day, a week, a month, a year until life was okay. The joy of life returns, thank goodness. It took about 4 years for me, but as the old cliché holds in my case, time does heal. Not everyone has that experience.
All this brought about a huge awareness for me. The mental health crisis is real. Let’s get a new perspective on mental health, anxiety, depression, and how even the most “stable” of us can have moments in our lives where we need some help.
I have found in my experience that suicide has affected many lives, not only those who have died but all those who have loved and lost and lived.
I believe that unexpected tragedy can happen to anyone. And usually when we are least prepared. Suicide is one of these that has affected many lives. Not only the lives of those who have died but the lives of those who are suicide survivors. There is still so much more to learn about helping others get through periods of mental health crisis. There is hope. Compassion and nonjudgment are two places to begin.
We can make a difference, one person at a time.
*988 IS THE SUICIDE AND CRISIS LIFELINE
PLEASE DIAL THIS NUMBER IF YOU NEED HELP
