They worked for me during my journey. Maybe they will help you too.
In the 40 years I had a problem with alcohol, I’d get intense, random cravings to binge drink out of nowhere.
Once in a while, I’d start drinking without plans to consume too much, and after the 2nd drink, I’d say to myself, ‘What the hell? I don’t have to be anywhere tomorrow. Let’s get that buzz on. I’m feeling good, and I’ll have another.’
And then another. And maybe another.
That’s the problem: unexpected drinking.
Giving in to these cravings can disrupt a life.
My vice was alcohol, but your vice could be something else, like smoking, drugs, caffeine, gambling, or food. And just like my cravings came in random waves in the afternoon, your cravings might overwhelm you like a heavyweight boxer. What I’m about to share can help you when those hard-hitting cravings for a cigarette, alcohol, or drugs, darken your door.
Cravings Can be Biological, Psychological, and/or Caused by Triggers
Some items we ingest can be addictive.
That’s because something in our bodies attaches to our chemical makeup. When ingested, our brains can respond with a chemical that gives us a shot of dopamine, the ‘feel good’ neurotransmitter. We then want more.
The bottom line is, we ingest these things, they make us feel good, and the pattern is in place. Alcohol is one of those things–well, for the first few drinks, anyway.
You may have heard that alcohol is a depressant, but how can that be when it makes us feel good?
After a few drinks, the brain has to dump another neurotransmitter to start its job of processing the alcohol out of our system. During a night of heavy drinking, we may begin to cry, get angry, or get emotionally unbalanced. This is a real, chemical imbalance, and you created this on your own by consuming alcohol.
So, you decide you want to quit, and those cravings are getting in the way of your success.
Now what?
Become a detective to solve your mystery.
This worked for me and may work for you.
Ask yourself some questions to get to the bottom of it.
Where do these pests come from and what do I do about it?
I say this in the present tense because these sneaky feelings can appear years after your last drink.
Being vigilant is key to success down the road. When a craving appears, ask yourself these questions:
- Where am I?
- What time of day is it?
- What am I doing?
- How am I feeling?
In my journey, I discovered my cravings usually occurred near the same time each day. It was my make-or-break moment to succeed or fail. As my reason (my WHY) to quit was urgent, and this craving was strong, I decided that I wasn’t going to beat this unless I dived into the reason for a craving with observation, sat for some minutes with the discomfort, or I diverted myself with a tactic until the craving left, and it always did. I was lucky in this journey. My cravings weren’t all day long, every day.
Asking myself the same questions, I would take note.
- Where am I? Home in the kitchen.
- What time of day is it? Around 3:00 p.m.
- What am I doing? I just came home, or I am home and it’s time to eat or drink.
- How am I feeling? Well, I know I need to eat as I haven’t eaten much yet today, or I’m going to start drinking because I rarely do both. Eating kills my buzz and as I am calorie conscious, I don’t want to ingest too many calories.
So, what is it going to be? Eat, or drink? In my first experience, I chose to drink. And the second and…
Each time I caved, I would lose more trust in my ability to change.
My desire to conquer these cravings doubled down, and I became angry at them.
‘Just get it together!’ I told myself.
Eventually, I changed my story and began to laugh at them rather than fear them.
One day during one of my cravings, I chose to eat a solid meal, and the craving went away. It was like a miracle.
It couldn’t be that easy. Or could it? Was it just a case of low blood sugar levels and I had created a pattern of drinking at that time?
I wanted mental freedom from the grasp of my cravings as well–freedom from the urge to drink entirely. Once I discovered that I had created a pattern in my day, I developed some tactics. Here are a few that worked for me:
What I Did to Control My Cravings
I began to carry food with me if I wasn’t going to be home. There were always prepared foods in my refrigerator as options for that moment when I needed to eat. Also, I was supplied with non-alcoholic beverages, especially non-alcoholic beer as I liked to drink beer.
I eliminated all alcohol temptations from the house.
This was a great time in my life to pick up a hobby. As guitar and ukelele were 2 instruments I dreamed of mastering, I began to learn how to play them and would pick them up when a craving hit.
I had created a habit of telling myself I deserved to unwind near the end of the day, I needed to change that routine. Previously, if I had nothing else planned for the evening, I just relaxed with some alcohol. I now realize by no longer drinking, I have more time and mental space to do other, healthier activities! And I never wake up with a hangover.
But first, I had to retrain my brain to reach for another solution when a craving would hit.
Listen closely. Sometimes this meant feeling uncomfortable.
Even with all my tactics, which usually helped in my success, the cravings could still show up and still show up strong.
There’s a common thought in coaching now that we like to share:
Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
It isn’t easy to feel our feelings, especially when they aren’t comfortable and make us squirm. We are experts at running away from feelings or things we don’t like. Yet, if you could just sit with it, let it move through you, and even consider laughing at it rather than fearing it, you’ll get through it.
The only beautiful aspect of a craving is that it won’t last forever. But and this is a big but, this is the make-or-break moment in your/my change.
It is a decision, and we decide. There’s no one to celebrate or blame but us.
If you choose to say the hell with it, that’s a choice.
This is a great time to recall your reason for quitting in the first place. What event or feeling urged you to stop? Replay that in your mind. Try to feel that moment again in your soul. My last drinking episode created so much shame. In these moments I would bring in that feeling, replace it with gratitude for getting home safely and in my mind or out loud firmly state my conviction to stop this pattern of self-sabotage.
Even with all your tactics and self-talk, and knowledge of what you ‘should’ be doing, you may still give in. Here is where we give ourselves grace. Giving yourself grace–meaning if you don’t make it through a craving you don’t have to throw in the towel.
Pick yourself up and begin again.
This time, notice why you chose to let the craving win. What could you do differently next time?
This part is not easy, and at some point, we have to get through the discomfort if we are going to get past the patterns we’ve created for ourselves
Each time we do something, especially when we get a dopamine hit reward, our brain and body respond by feeling good. Since we love to feel good, we repeat the ‘something.’ Over time and repetition, it becomes an almost automatic habit similar to driving home from the local store. We don’t have to think about it.
When we find a new store further away, we must pay attention the first few times to find our way home. Our brains are similar. When we create a new pattern, we are developing a new roadway. After enough repetition, we will automatically move in that direction. Develop your roadblock to your old way of doing the ‘thing’ you no longer want to do. Find a new path to your way home.
Anyone who no longer drinks had to get through this point in the journey. It can be done! Countless people have done it. I am one of those.
So don’t give up! Even if you have one drink, it doesn’t mean you need to continue drinking. In this moment lies the opportunity to pay attention to why you are drinking, stop the behavior, and find your solution for diversion. Recalling your WHY is helpful here.
By becoming your detective, you can find clues as to why you are doing what you are doing. Then you can create a game plan that will guide you past the pattern you’ve developed. Find a new road toward success. Find an easier route. Our brains can rewire in new directions. Build that roadblock to your old pattern and develop a new road toward health, mental health, and freedom from the chains of whatever addiction you’re currently struggling with.
Triggers
Triggers are usually people, places, feelings, and things associated with a person’s drinking patterns which spark a craving to drink.
I’m going to speak in the context of alcohol but consider this with your addiction.
Who do you often drink with?
Where did you drink? At a local bar? Just passing a place can send a trigger.
Seeing a bottle of alcohol can be a trigger.
An anniversary, holiday, or daily drinking can be culprits. The feeling of sadness, anger, or happiness could be triggering too.
There are two options when a trigger arises.
- Avoid them
- Confront them with a game plan
Gratefully, I’ve been 3.5 years alcohol-free. Yet, a few weeks ago, a trigger rocked my physical body in what seemed to come out of nowhere.
I was on vacation and returned to my old neighborhood. I was with someone who when together, drinking was our hobby. As we sat down to eat lunch at a winery nearby, this strong craving hit me. I wanted to drink.
So, I acknowledged it and brought it out into the open rather than battle it in my mind. “Wow!” I said to my partner and cousin. “I have this huge craving to drink. What the heck? Where is this coming from?”
And I laughed. I wasn’t going to let it win. I ordered iced tea. While waiting, I felt this feeling, let it sit there, and it left almost as quickly as it arrived.
Triggers can pop up out of what we think is nowhere. It’s fascinating that in my memory I built such a strong pathway of reward, that years later without the substance in my body, my mind remembers that in this place, with this person, I drink. So, what am I waiting for my mind teases? Why aren’t you giving me what I want, a drink?
Not this time. I sat with it, talked about it, and it left almost as quick as it arrived.
If you use awareness and tactics and get help if you find you are not having success on your own, change is possible. If your goal is to stop drinking or doing what you’re doing that you don’t want to do, there are solutions.
Be your own detective. Find your clues. Solve your mystery.
Once solved, it’s a priceless feeling of freedom. This I can guarantee.
